Discovering a Conspiracy to Get Someone in Shape
May 27, 2017
Last winter Floyd returned from his annual physical in a grumpier mood than usual. His doctor had given him strict instructions to get serious physical exercise. A new diet would also be part of Floyd’s everyday routine. Since Floyd’s last exercise routine dated back to his days in boot camp, he wasn’t happy with starting an everyday program. Nor did he like gym workouts; his wife always said he objected to the idea of regularly lifting anything that weighed more than a loaded fork at mealtimes. When came home she met him sympathetically; she’d already heard the bad news from the doctor on the internet email. She was also prepared with a suggestion. Floyd often talked about seeing sights along the Appalachian Trail. Of course, this idea was usually mentioned in the same breath with fantasies about islands in the South Pacific, or building a dream house on the seacoast. But it was a starting point.
At dinner she showed Floyd some new Groupon promo codes and coupons from the 6pm collection of summer outdoor wear. They looked and noted sales of nearly 60% off on hiking apparel. She asked if they might walk to see a waterfall in the nearby state park. He agreed, suggesting they take videos of the scenery. They ordered some hiking items and packed a few sandwiches and juice for their trip. It wasn’t exactly a gym workout but it was more than Floyd had done in the past decade. He enjoyed it, so they returned later walking further to watch deer feeding in the forest. In a month they were hiking the trail nearly three miles every day.
That same month Floyd had to return his regular fall wardrobe purchases because the pants ordered was a size too large. He then discovered his wife had begun fixing meals using recipes similar in taste but lower in calories. The modified diet and regular hiking had resulted in his losing some pounds. Floyd was now sure his wife had joined his doctor in this conspiracy. He decided to show them and joined a local gym. In several months he achieved a modified “sixpack” physique, though not quite of “Baywatch” caliber. But it was enough to cause his wife concern, so he was tickled to see her start dieting and working out. “Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander,” Floyd would chuckle contentedly to himself.